Enoughness

I am enough.   You are enough.  We are enough.   I become caught up in the rat race of trying to prove my worth by doing enough, striving enough, owning enough, giving enough.  I judge your worth by my criticism, disapproval, blame, and rejection.  I am tired of measurements of  more or less, too much or too little, grades, ranks, promotions, titles, top/bottom, being torn apart by discontent, jealousy, envy and struggle. 

Today, I choose to be here and now, how I am and where I am, how you are and where you are.  Acceptance of myself and acceptance of you brings me peace of mind.  I can let go of the illusion that you or I need to change to be loved or accepted.  I see you, do you see me?  I am enough and so are you.  In this very moment, here and now, we have enough-ness.  What a relief. 

Microcosm and Macrocosm

Change happens.  Sometimes it moves so slowly I am easily fooled into believing things will always remain the same.  Other times it is like a tsunami that overwhelms me.  It helps me to remember, that I am and always have been in motion, from the rotation of the planet in a swirling universe, the unfolding of the seasons, the pumping of my heart and the breath in my lungs.  My thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, body, environment, family, friendships, career, reality are constantly evolving for better or worse.  I do not control this progression of transformation, it is a natural process.  I can make choices that affect it but trying to hold it back or prevent it from happening is as futile as trying to swim against the current of a quickly moving river.  All I need to do is reflect on the Grand Canyon to be reminded of the incredible power of time and motion.  Despite this knowledge, I often tire myself out fearfully trying to grasp tightly to control the people, situations and things in my life.  I refuse to listen, open my mind, or consider new alternatives, clinging stubbornly to ‘it’s ALWAYS been this way’ as the standard.
 My ‘I-ness” and your ‘You-ness’ is part of something much bigger than our current experiences, perspectives, frustrations, sadness or fears.  Remembering this can put things into perspective.  My microcosm does matter and so does yours and yet we are also pieces of a much bigger puzzle. Today, I release my limited thinking about permanence and recognize that the actions I choose and the attitude I have affects more than just me.  We are all connected.  

Traveling the Turnpike of Here and Now

As I journey through the space of my life at times I see myself on the Here and Now Turnpike that takes me to the land of Tranquility, where I enjoy living.  However, along this highway there are many exits before I arrive at my destination.  So often, I have been distracted by the advertisements to visit roadside attractions which take me on long and laborious detours that ultimately only lead to dead ends. 

I have gone to the territory of ‘what if’ and spent many anxious hours traversing its land side only to find myself lost and worn out.  I have been lured in by the many billboards along the roadside to visit the realm of ‘fix-it’ and found myself confused and off course as I try to endlessly rescue others from flat tires, overheated engines and empty gas tanks.  I have spent time in Catastrophe Canyon, Addiction Alley, and Victim Valley.  I have gone down into Depression Hole and been to the Denial Derby.  I have shopped at Persecutor Plaza, swam in the Sea of Self Pity, rode the rapids of the Rageful River, bought souvenirs at Criticism Chasm and been to many concerts at Anxiety Amphitheatre.  So many side trips have unfortunately been made on my way to the land of Tranquility.  

I am mindful of my need to fill up my tank with affirmation and positivity before I leave on today’s adventure.  I will also bring a good road map that marks places to stop for refreshment, connection and reassurance.  I can expect to be drawn in by these roadside temptations but intend to remain focused on where I desire to be and aware of the choices that will get me there.

Now Is The Time

What will I regret having not finished?  If I were to pass from here today would I feel incomplete?  I wonder what I put off and procrastinate on taking action?  It’s easy to say there’s always tomorrow.  I can delay starting projects, getting healthy, making amends, taking time off, spending or saving money; there are so many promises I often make to myself which never come to fruition. 

Today, I choose to be mindful of those moments when I tell myself – ‘I can do that later, in the future, another time…’- and ask myself is that really true or am I making excuses?  I want to live today as though I won’t get another chance so I appreciate the time I am given, the people I encounter and the opportunities I have.  It would be very sad to look back and regret not having lived the life I wanted to life.  Now is the time!Today, I choose to be mindful of those moments when I tell myself – ‘I can do that later, in the future, another time…’- and ask myself is that really true or am I making excuses?  I want to live today as though I won’t get another chance so I appreciate the time I am given, the people I encounter and the opportunities I have.  It would be very sad to look back and regret not having lived the life I wanted to life.  Now is the time!

The Rhythm of Life

I find it reassuring to recognize that each one of us in on a unique journey as we move through this life.  Over and over, I observe myself and others “fall from innocence” as growth, change or a new response to life becomes necessary.   At times, it’s an unwanted experience that provokes me to reluctantly move from the safety of where I am, such as: a death, divorce, illness, financial stressor, geographical move or being fired.  Other times, it’s a gradual awareness of the need for a change of attitude or different behavior, letting go of what no longer works.  Sometimes it’s the inevitable pull of life moving forward as I begin a new stage of life, like: starting college, getting married, becoming a parent, having an empty nest, moving into retirement.    Just as the planet is always turning in perpetual motion, so also does the life around and within me.  The more I cling to ‘what was’ and try to fool myself into believing things or people will last forever providing the security I want, the harder the struggle seems to be. When I remain detached and tell myself I won't connect so I don't have to feel the pain of letting go, loneliness and depression haunt me. 

Today, I choose to remember that I am invited to dance to the rhythm that beats out its song inside and outside of me.  I will embrace these moments and savor them.  I can trust the movement and tempo of today and allow myself to unfold into the mystery of now.

Trading in Expectations

Things don’t always go the way I intend or expect them to go.  What really seems to matter the most is how I manage my disappointment and frustration.  I can pout, sulk, and have a temper tantrum telling myself it’s a horrible shame that it isn't what I expected it to be.  I can deny the facts and pretend until reality finally forces me to accept it the way it is.  I can try to manipulate and control the outcome, clinging to a belief that I know what is best.  Or I can acknowledge my feelings and remember that sometimes I get things the way I want them and sometimes I don’t.  Often, I have to admit things don’t go the way I expect, they actually go better than planned.

Today, I intend to recognize my over-attachment to outcomes and gently release my need to control or impress others.  I know that ultimately things work out for my own and other’s best interests.  I will remind myself that everything has a purpose even if I don't see it yet.

Finishing What I Start

How often do I say I will do something and never get back to it?  My energy shifts and suddenly I’m running down a different road with a long trail of unfinished projects and plans carelessly discarded behind me.  What prevents me from completing what I set out to do?  Sometimes, I become afraid due to anticipated failure or rejection.  Other times I have unrealistic expectations and become exhausted by too many commitments.  I give in when things get too hard or I encounter too many obstacles.  I allow others’ plans to become more important than my own and forget to set boundaries.  Will I end up at the end of my life regretful of all the risks I never took and things I never finished?  I hope not. 

I can only make one choice at a time and take one step at a time.  Today, I choose to evaluate where my energy will be best spent.  I will carefully examine my intention when I decided what to lay aside and what to pursue.  I will recognize when fear, laziness, or mindless activity prevent me from following through on what I believe in and value.  I am determined to persevere and complete what I start.